Friday, August 17, 2007

I almost died...

Well, I almost died today...

Now it was not one of those "near-miss-whew-I-almost died" kind of deaths. No this would have been a slow and painful death. And unfortunately, I still might not make it.

This will be a death from TOXIC MOLD. Yes, toxic mold. Where your eyes and throat and tongue swell grotesquely. Your lungs slowly fill with a viscous liquid which drowns you silently in a serene and somewhat ironically dry hospital room.

What, oh what, can save me from this certain torture? Lysol Disinfectant Spray – two aerosol cans worth! I hit the bedroom like a crazed gunslinger. Two cans for two hands. The disinfectant smoke was thick, my eyes burned and watered profusely. My throat caught fire. Was this any better than the slow death of the mold? But I pressed on. A swift and sharp kick to the bathroom door splayed it open. A tight combat roll onto the hard tile…my hands worked quickly and independently from each other and from any conscious thought my brain may have sent. Left hand – toilet. Right hand – towel rack. Two handed double spray into the shower!

Suck my spray evil spores!

And then it was clean.

The hotel location...nice!

The first wave of attacks!

The tub of death!

After the firefight, I lie down, exhausted. Sleep comes quickly. I awake with a start. This antique wall heater has set the entire complex ablaze. My throat again catches fire as I breath my last gasp... a gasp of a hot putrid smoke that fills my lungs. Death was here tonight.


Kenny & Jen said...

Too much Stephen King, huh Kenny?!? :)

I am glad that you didn't die and get to come home to a clean house... or at least somewhat clean house today!

I miss you!

Jim & Jolene said...

Too gross!
We are glad you didn't die too :)
Nice new carpet to come to with no mold!!!!!!
What was the name of the hotel/motel?
Can you even stand the smell of Lysol?????? It kind of smells like alchol wipes doesn't it? We know how much you like the smell of alchol wipes:)

Danny and Tonita said...

Sounds a little crazy...maybe you should sell the script and they can make it into a scary halloween movie. (Or at least a great Lysol commercial!) You might as well profit off you near death experience!


Jeremy said...

Can you say "New Room, or better yet, new hotel?" or were you in one of those hick town with only a motel 4?

I have seen more than 1 room like that in my travels, sadly. Bad part is have you ever read the warning label on Lysol?...

loved the post